Shadow Gets Sick
by TazTaz-chan
Summary: Shadow gets sick.  Hilarity ensues.  WARNING:  May contain stuffy noses, coughing, pedestrian high speed chases, and Shadouge.
1. Shadow Gets Sick

Kekeke…. What happens when the Ultimate Lifeform gets sick. And yes, the title and summary were MEANT to be simplistic. (1) and the like are explained at the end of each section. (They're foot notes; I'd suggest you scroll down and read them as they come instead of reading them at the end of the section.) Set some random time after Sonic Heroes. I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog.

* * *

Shadow Gets Sick

Shadow gets sick. Hilarity ensues. WARNING: May contain stuffy noses, coughing, pedestrian high speed chases, and Shadouge.

* * *

Shadow was, as everyone knew, impervious, immortal, imperturbable, and several other things that began with the letters 'im'(1). He did not stop for pain, scoffed at discomfort, laughed(2) in the face of viruses and diseases and other such unpleasant things. Yes, Shadow was pretty darn well invincible. 

Or at least, that was the general opinion.

At first, it had just been a little sniffle – easily written off as the natural reaction to dust or some other irritant. Then it had been just a little bit of excess body heat, just a little more than usual – and of course that was just the weather; it had been a warm day, no big deal.

No big deal, indeed.

Yep, he was _per_fectly fine, doing great, never been better thank-you-very-much.

He was actually stubborn enough to cling to that idea the morning he woke up with a massive sinus headache and sudden inability to breathe through his nose.

Rouge was concerned, of course – she couldn't have him getting germs all over her apartment that she was so _graciously_ allowing him to stay in instead of leaving him out in the cold to sleep under a park bench somewhere and no Shadow don't sneeze on the c-

When Rouge finally managed to pin him down long enough to check his temperature, she suggested(3) that he see a doctor; he'd never been sick before, and who _knew_ what might happen? Shadow was… less than compliant, to say the most, muttering something about doctors, prodding, and frogs, but Rouge was not to be deterred.

"_Shadow!_ You _are_ going to the doctor, ridiculous phobia or not."

"I'm not _afraid_." was his all-too-quick(4) response to this impugnment of his masculinity.

Rouge put her hands on her hips, narrowed her eyes at him, locked her knees. "_You're going._" Definite. Final.

Completely ineffective.

"…You can't make me." He sounded just like a teenager. A fifty plus teenager with a voice that was conspicuously long past puberty and fashion sense that was conspicuously not.

"Oh no? I do believe that was a challenge." Shadow tensed, knowing what was coming next. A millisecond later, he was rolling out of the way of a mildly overenthusiastic bat, discovering quickly that while the apartment was quite a nice size for living in, it was not quite so nice for dodging insane flying mammals.

He made a dash for the door, but his opponent knew him too well; she was already leaping in front of him the instant the idea of escape entered his head. This, predictably, lead to quite the crash and a semi-violent struggle loud enough to roust Omega from his hibernation period in the broom closet. When he lumbered into the living room it was to the sight of Rouge with a very disgruntled Shadow in what Omega recognized as what was probably some kind of wrestling hold. The hedgehog was, needless to say, not taking it very well. "Shadow, stop struggling! It's just the doctor. Honestly, I can't believe you're being so childish about all this."

Shadow twisted around a little to answer, but stopped. Rouge paused too. She knew that expression. He was about to-

"_ACHOO!_"

"EEEEEK!" Rouge let go suddenly, unable to cover her face in time. "Ewwww! Gross, Shadow!" She swiped at her face, grimacing and glaring. But there was no one to glare out; he'd hightailed it out of there the instant she'd let go.

"Urgh! Come on, Omega. We'd better go catch him before he gets his germs all over anyone else."

* * *

(1): Not the least of which impertinent. 

(2): Or rather, chuckled in a vaguely nefarious way; who'd ever heard of Shadow laughing, for heaven's sake?

(3): Read: Demanded

(4): And dangerously close to nasal

* * *

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the bees were buzzing. All in all, it was just a slow day. Eggman had been pretty quiet lately, no doubt planning his next attack. But until he made an appearance, things were gonna be_ pret_-ty slow. Out for his morning run, Sonic jogged slowly (only an easy 200 mph) down the freeway. It was pretty empty that day. 

Yeaaap, it was pretty quiet that day.

It wasn't so quiet two seconds later when a blur shot past him, practically spinning him around with the air current left in its wake.

"Woah! Was that Shadow? I wonder what that was all about…."

Curious, the blue hedgehog took off after the other. Catching up quickly, he discovered that it was indeed Shadow. He looked haggard and absolutely focused on getting as far away from wherever he was coming from as possible. So focused, in fact, that he didn't even glance at the other as he approached.

"Hey, Shadow!"

"!!!" The black and red hedgehog tripped, somersaulting across the ground before skidding to a halt. Sonic stopped abruptly as well, his shoes squealing against the pavement.

"Woah! Are you okay, Shadow?" Shadow lifted his head, staring dazedly at him.

"Does it _look_ like I'm okay, faker?" he growled. The annoyance was there, but it lacked the usual vigor. Shadow pushed himself off of the ground, getting to his feet with only slight difficulty.

Sonic ignored the insult. "What's the rush? Got a date?" Shadow's usual glare deepened and he was just opening his mouth to say something no doubt sarcastic when another blur appeared on the horizon, coming on fast. He paled, even his quills seeming to lighten. Sonic raised an eyebrow. "Shadow? Hey, Shadow?" He waved a gloved hand in front of the other's face, to no avail. The blur drew ever closer, separating into two blurs – one white, black and pink and the other mostly red. "What the…."

"_Dammit._" By the time Sonic looked back, Shadow was long gone, barely a blur in the distant that got even smaller as the other blurs got bigger.

"Sh…Shadow? What in the world is going o-" Sonic found himself spinning around again as something else blew past him. He was just recovering when, for the _third _time that day he was left spinning in circles. "Eurgh…! Man, I'm getting dizzy! What's _happening_ over there?" Shaking his head, Sonic took off after them.

Less than a minute later found Sonic running alongside Omega E-123. "Hey! What's going on?"

The robot did not turn his (no one could really consider Omega an 'it' anymore) head, but responded with, "OBJECTIVE: Apprehend and transport subject for medical attention. TARGET: Shadow the Hedgehog. WARNING: Target may be a danger to itself and others. Proceed with caution."

"Shadow's sick? Wow, I didn't know he even _could_ get sick. You guys need some help?"

"Affirmative."

"Well then, count me in!"

**

* * *

**

**End Chapter 1**

I kind of intended to put everything in one chapter at first, but then I ended up deciding it'd be better if I split it up. XD; Kyaaaaaaaa…. One of my first attempts at 99.9 percent comedy, so I'd absolutely love some feedback. Parts you liked, parts you didn't like, stuff like that. Until next time!


	2. Flying Newspaper Park

SECOND CHAPTER, GOOOOO!

P.S. Started writing Omega's speech differently. It looked too plain the way it was. Also, parody references.

* * *

Shadow Gets Sick

Shadow gets sick. Hilarity ensues. WARNING: May contain stuffy noses, coughing, pedestrian high speed chases, and Shadouge.

* * *

A hedgehog (male, 100 cm, likes guns, scream rock theme songs, and long walks on the- oh wait, sorry, wrong document) staggered into an alley, coughing from the chest in a mildly geriatric way. He snarled. What was _wrong_ with him? It was so hard to _breathe_. Did everyone feel like this when they were sick? He grimaced, something close to almost sort of kind of halfway happy that he'd escaped this for so long. But now, it looked like he'd have to ante up. 

Well, sick or not, there was _no _way in hell he was going to any doctor, psychotic bat on his tail or not. Speaking of which….

Shadow slammed himself against the wall with a little more force than necessary as someone approached, scuffing to a halt.

"…don't get why he's being such a baby about this. _Honestly._" Shadow's eyes flicked to the side. Just as he'd expected(1). _Rouge_. And she had company….

"Hey, no one ever said phobias had to make any sense." Sonic responded with a shrug.

"**AFFIRMATIVE.**"

….

_Traitors._

"It's just a doctor. A _doctor_. I mean, come _on_. He's faced much worse."

They were close enough to reach out and touch. Shadow held his breath, praying (although it was not something he was in the habit of doing) that none of them would happen to glance his way. So far his coloring had kept him safe, but he was beginning to doubt the wisdom of his creators in giving him red highlights.

…And eyeshadow. He'd never really understood that one.

"Well, I guess we'd better keep looking. Shadow's going to that doctor if it _kills_ him."

Shadow almost whimpered. _Almost._ In a not kind of almost barely sort of maybe kinda way.

…I mean, not at all. Who'd ever heard of Shadow whimpering? Puh-lease.

Ugh. That bat was going to be the death of him. There were no words for the relief he felt as she turned away, sighing, "Well, I guess we'd better keep looking. Come on."

"**ROUGE. SENSORS INDICATE THAT-**"

Shadow considered briefly exactly what kind of force it would take to damage the robot's armor, contriving to find out later. Possibly with the use of high powered explosives and, perhaps, a machine gun. …And possibly a street sign or two, just for kicks.

"SONIIIIIIIIIC!"

…Was there a small animal dying somewhere? The sound seemed to be coming from his right. Shadow turned just in time to be tackled to the ground out in the open by an exuberant mass of pink.

"…**SHADOW IS APPROXIMATELY 4.23 FEET FROM THIS LOCATION.**" Omega finished pleasantly.

"Eurggggghh…." Shadow stared blearily up at the sky, his head having recently become acquainted with the cement. Vaguely he recognized the fact that his breathing seemed to be heavily impaired due to extreme force being exerted upon his chest by what appeared to be a blob of whatever the result of several bottles of hot pink dye being added to cookie dough was. Either that, or someone needed to be sued(2) for producing _anything_ organic that color.

"Uh, Amy…." said Sonic's disembodied voice somewhere off to the left.

"Huh?" The pressure on his chest lessened and he took several gulps of desperately needed air. "…Oh, not _again_! Why do I always make that mistake?!" Securely attached to Sonic's arm, Amy at last took the time to look around. "Hey…. What's going on?"

Because it would be entirely too boring to reread/rewrite, please assume that this paragraph contained a recap of what happened so far. You may now spend the extra seconds saved in the deletion of the aforementioned explanation to dance and/or play the Shadow the Hedgehog game and therein beat things with street signs.

"Oh, so Shadow's sick? That's not good! He needs to go to a doctor. He might need a shot or someth- …Hey, where'd Shadow go?"

Sonic shaded his eyes, looking into the distance. "He's over there!" He whistled appreciatively. "Wow, he's bookin'."

* * *

(1) Feared 

(2) Or shot(3). He wasn't picky.

(3) And quickly.

* * *

That bat was _crazy_. Her and that… that pink thing. Everyone was against him, everyone! But he'd show them. He'd show them _all_. One of his eyes twitched. He'd have his revenge. REVEEEEEEEEEEEEENGE! 

…Or not. That was a little insane, even for him.

If he hadn't been so totally mistrustful and paranoid, he might have actually cared enough to be hurt.

Shadow stopped for a breather (wow, actually stopping to rest – this being sick thing really sucked) in the middle of a park somewhere. For some reason, the instant he became immobile, a newspaper hit him in the face and stuck there. Mildly annoyed, he plucked it off and let it fly away.

2.35 seconds later, another one slapped itself over his eyes. This one, too, he tore off and let go. Before it even left his hand, yet _another_ edition of that day's newspaper wrapped itself around his leg. "What the…? Where are all these- " A millisecond later, another mass of ink and paper became very familiar with his esophagus. This very quickly expelled and disposed of, Shadow finally noticed the giant sign right in front of his face upon which was printed in large, friendly letters,

**WARNING**

Visitors may be assaulted by airborne paper goods due to a recent meteorological impossibility.

Have a nice day and please remember not to litter!

**Next Week's Forecast:**

Giant, swirling red clouds of the apocalypse and possible showers of alien life forms midway through the day.

"…Oh. Go figure." Shadow picked the remains of yet another newspaper out of his quills, watching the sun set dramatically on the horizon.

* * *

Yet another chapter down. C'ya next time. 


End file.
